There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
That accounts for only three of the penises
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
