We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
