So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
