At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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