A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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