he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
