I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
