Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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