we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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