I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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