imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
