I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
