i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize