Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
