DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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