Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
someone owes me an orgasm
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
