3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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