i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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