I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize