You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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