I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize