I hate all girls vehemently.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
