i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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