So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
