Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
