If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
