woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
