why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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