I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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