I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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