I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
