Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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