My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
