i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
