She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
