they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
