just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
