The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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