You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
