She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
