I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
