Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
