Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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