brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
The maid of honor just puked.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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