Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
