Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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