So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
