bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
