Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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