before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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