I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
