you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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