what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
