mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
