Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize