You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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