How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
