Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
