you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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