ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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