ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
