I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
