She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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