Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
