shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
