The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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