just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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