saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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