kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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