you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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