My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
