Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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