you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize